Roots

Sunny day in a backyard.

Spiders are hanging on their nets. Grapes are so juicy and so ready for eating. Few huge dry brown grape leaves dropped from their mother tree. Decorative stones are chaotically and at the same time in a very orginised way putted around the plants and trees.

I pull out the roots with all the power I have. I have to pull out all the plants, which damage this lovely backyard with their long roots spreading all over the yard.

I pull out all the biggest plants with the thickest roots. The roots are thick and long. Around the roots under the plant is a kingdom of insects. They are so nasty. Insects are wet, some of them are fat and thick, some of them are just running away. I feel sick. 

I imaigne that these roots with all the insects are my fears. I have to deal with them. I am not afraid and I am not going to leave it untill I will pull out all of them.

I had to take a brake many times. I didn`t feel well anymore.

In a while I continued pulling the roots out. In a while there were no insects anymore. In a while there were no roots anymore.

I feel bad and good at the same time.

Which one?

I found myself from the bench thinking. I was thinking, that sometimes I mix up two things, which brings me to make a wrong decision.

For not doing this mistake anymore I have found the strategy to make a correct desicion, which is better for me than wrong desicion.


Before doing anything I would ask myself:
- Do I want to do it (anything)?

If the answer is Yes, there is a next question:
- Will I do it (anything)?


If the answer on a second quiestion is Yes, there is no problem or conflict, or anything worth any discussion :P So I would finish here.


But if there is an answer No, then we have at least two variations of why it is No.

1. Either I would want to do something against the low or human rights or distractive to animal or nature (like, if I would want to hurt someone against his wish). At that case my No answer would be perfect answer and we would end here.

2. Or my No answer brings me to the place, which is filled up with my fears. I would not do something I want to do, becouse my imagination or expirience stops me from doing what I want to do.

If there is a fear I already know what to do next;)

Depth

Fear has two depths. This is how I see it:

SkinFear and FleshFear.

First one is about concrete fears such as fear of darkness, fear of talking in public and so on. These fears are possible to get over by aware practice. Being aware about that particular fear and being motivated to practice it, and practice it. And practice it until there is a strong skill to overcome this fear, when it appears.

There is a deeper fear, which is abstract and which is outside our possibilities to train it by doing what we are afraid of. This fear could be fear of death, illness, someones possible abuse, fear of getting lost someone. These fears are in our imagination and yes these things would or possibly would happend to us one day, but we do not want to be afraid of that.

For fears, which are concrete and on a Skin Depth the way to get over them is by doing what we are afraid of. By training this fear, by learning how to control it.

For fears, which are abstract and on the Flesh Depth, deeper, we would use art. Art is the way to concrete our fears, to see how they look like, to see them. When we see how this abstract fear looks like we have more chances to find out our own way to get over that fear.

Being aware about what is going on in our mind and willing to work hard there is a chance for fearless life.